Living the dream and still not satisfied…

So, what do you do when you are living the life you dreamed of and yet still aren’t satisfied?

I suppose I need to back up for a minute and share a bit about myself, for as long as I can remember I have been a dreamer.  I have sought or dreamt of adventure in many forms, whether that is travelling the world or living long term as a missionary in a foreign land.  I have dreamed of writing, sewing, building, creating; I have dreamed of having children and space to raise them.  I have dreamed of living on a farm in the mountains and having the great outdoors be my childrens’ teacher, growing good things and feeling the warm dirt between my toes.  I have dreamed of doing big things that change the world and of the quietness that comes with solitude.  I guess you could say I am a bit of a contradiction, and my dreams are many.

The life I am currently living is a fulfilment of many dreams, my family and I live right outside of Asheville, NC on a 7 acre farm with beautiful mountain views, I get to hike and see views like this as often as I want:

I have the world’s most amazing husband, I have 3 wonderful boys, and a great dog. I homeschool and we spend loads of time outside hiking, playing in the stream, and having adventures.  We have a huge garden that we just planted with plans to store and keep all of it so we can enjoy the fruits of it year round.  I am living a life I always dreamed of: simple, with a good amount of hard work and fun thrown in.  I am not saying all this to brag but rather to give a little background to where I am coming from when I say: and yet…and yet, amongst all of these amazing things that I have been blessed with I am still not satisfied.

I wake up in the morning and look around at all of this beauty and wish that I were somewhere else, doing something else other than this life.  I have started to contemplate what that means, why do I feel this way?  Shouldn’t I be happy, I am living a dream after all… What will it take to satisfy me? Another move, more friends, a new baby, a new purchase, more stuff? Will I ever feel content right where I am at?  Maybe if my kids are better behaved or my husband more attentive this void could be filled…

Or maybe…maybe…maybe the issue isn’t with the external, I have moved many times, things in my life have changed tremendously over the years, but that same nagging dissatisfaction always inevitably creeps back in.  So where is the water that will quench my forever thirsty soul?  Is it in the noise, the hustle and bustle or is it in the solitude, the quiet moments with my Creator, my Soul Quencher? Elijah heard God’s voice not in the storm or the fire or even the earthquake but in the still, small whisper.  He had to strain his ears to hear it at first, but he knew it was the voice of God meeting with him, comforting him, encouraging him, letting him know he was not alone.

We all need to be straining, fighting, striving to hear the small whisper of the one telling us our worth, quenching our deep, dry, dusty places.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.  So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.  Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.  So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands.  My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me. ~Psalm 63:1-8

Christ brings our satisfaction, when we meditate on Him, when we seek Him.  It needs to be a daily practice, it can’t be just when we are feeling empty, but at all times! Our souls need to cling to Him and He will satisfy us.  But it won’t happen over night, trust me I have hoped that it would be that simple.  But it does happen, in the fight, in the uphill climb, beating back our flesh with the sword of Truth and the knowledge that relationship with Christ is the only thing that will fill the void.  It is the battle of our lives, the one we sign onto when we take Christ and make Him our God, it does not end, it is a lifelong dying and yet awakening to some newness of life not yet known to us.  There is no arrival point, only “farther on and deeper in“. And although the glory of Heaven is not for this lifetime we can fight to become more like Christ in the here and now and rest in the peace and joy that it brings.  Will you commit with me this day to seek Him first, to allow Him to be the satisfaction of your soul, to create the habit of meditating on Him so that you might sing for joy instead of weep from weary sorrow?

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One comment

  1. Very nice writing, just keep plodding, be happy with the moment, love the lord your god, love your neighbor as yourself. Stop striving and realize you’ve arrived, start amassing true fortune every moment with your loved ones. A life of regret can be lived in the midst of dreams come true. Goals can be mercurial; “being” in the moment and accepting it as it is, is spiritual.

    Beautiful writing!

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