7.17.11

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” ~ Helen Keller

Being content in the moment is something that I struggle with deeply, sometimes I think that it goes to the very root of my being.  I am always looking ahead to the next thing, next thing, next thing.  Then once I get there I am satisfied for a little while but then ordinary life sets in again and the newness wears off of my “next thing” and I am once again looking for my fix.  I have always known this about myself in some deep subconscious way, every once in a while it is brought to the surface by the Holy Spirit, but I tend to just brush it off.  Sometimes I try to change on my own, try to stay in the moment and that lasts for about a day until I just can’t take it any more, I am just not easily satisfied with the day to day.

The other day my wonderful husband brought this to my direct attention, I am always moving a million miles a minute, and I just need to slow down and breath.  Sometimes it takes the kind and gentle words of love to slow me down and make me realize the reality of my actions and how it is affecting myself and others.  I look at my life and think that I could be doing so much more.  In a strange way I look so much to the next thing that once I have had it for a while I find myself longing for the days before I had it…those days were simpler, right?  Where does deep satisfaction come from, does it come in adventure, a constantly changing backdrop of cultures, days out and about, days with friends, or days doing something exhilarating? My mind says no but my heart says yes, I need adventure, chaos, but this is not healthy.

I am stuck between two wants, the one where my life is always changing, always moving, always doing something.  And the other where my life is rooted firmly in Christ, not shaken, we have a permanent life long home for our children and we live in the same place for years.

This life, this second life is one that I long for with all my heart, in this life I am putting my children and my husband first.  Our adventures are going canoeing, picking blueberries, running through the sprinkler, hay rides, baking, sewing, hosting parties and guests in our home.  I am a woman that others look to for a shoulder, and a helping hand, people know they can confide in me and I will pray for them until God has answered.  I spend intimate time with God and have songs of worship on my lips as I fall asleep and as I wake.  This is my hearts desire, to see this life happen, and as I think through these thoughts I start to realize that the enemy is the one who is tempting me with adventure.  I have been believing the lies that I am not the type of person who can enjoy this second life because I am too flighty, to spontaneous, to high-spirited.  Because this second life takes more work, it takes being involved everyday and participating in my own life.  I never thought that it would be hard to participate in my own life but it takes a lot of energy and a lot of heart to choose to honor God even in the mundane, everyday things of life.  Please pray with me as I travel along this road towards everyday becoming more the woman that God created me to be.

And thank you to my sweet, wonderful husband who allows God to use him even when he doesn’t realize it, and thanks for picking up the slack as I have been processing through this season of difficulty.  I love you and am so blessed to have you as my better half!

“Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” ~ Helen Keller

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One comment

  1. It’s wonderful to hear you opening your heart to your Savior as you continue to pursue your relationship with Him. That is what he wants most from us… to constantly desire more of Him. I pray blessings on you and your family! xoxo

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